9:37pm

If there was one person that I could get a chance to meet it would be my paternal grandmother Ann. The resemblence between us is uncanny, and it's such a shame that she passed only three years before my birth. My mom tells me how she spoiled my older brother, shoveling sweets by the truckload into his puffed out cheeks behind her back. She would have loved to physically be here with me I am sure. As I have wondered about her since I was a little girl and dreamed of what it would be like to have someone from the otherside to be on my side here in this world.

The only grandparents I've known were from my mom's side: Pop Pop and Nan. They were very old while I was growing up, and therefore unable to offer the traditional spry grandparenting that is so common today. Nonetheless, they were family, and when my Pop Pop passed away, he visited me in a reassuring dream that night. It was almost forgotten as I awoke and went about my day, but I have the gift of recalling dreams well over hours after being awake from sleep.

I am so interested in the concept of spirituality, customs, and lifestyle, wondering what the afterlife is really like and contemplating my own philosophy that it is whatever you imagine it to be. But who knows? As I am drawn more and more to this wonderment, I am fading out from the practical, scared person who I've built walls up to be.

At times I feel strong, like I've been through more than most my age could handle, but other times I am meek as a runty mouse, afraid to make a squeak to my own defense.

In any event, these were just present thoughts, now etched somewhere in cyberspace, recounting my once thoughts, straying from topics... I told you. I'm a thinker.