Wednesday, August 13, 2008


What is the most fundamental difference between the highschool years and the college years?

I would absolutely have to say the freedom! Its your choice to even continue on to college. No one can really say you must, unless you hold their opinion sufficient enough to follow. After highschool you can either enter the working world, go to school, or live off of some amazing funds to do whatever the hell you want.

For me, highschool felt like forever. It almost felt as bad as bloody nailbeds digging out of a concrete cave. I hear that most everyone has had a similar outlook on those godforsaken four years of life, and my thoughts and prayers do go out.

My highschool was filled with middle and lower class family children. I was a part of the lower class family. It dawned on me at the culmination of our four elementary school classes that I was, uhm less than. I really wasn't less than of course, but I sure did feel like it at a point where there wasn't much I could do except follow orders and do what I could to just get through it. Designer clothes, shoes, sneakers, bags, jewelry, make up, you name it and the other kids had it.

I must have been raised with some sense of what defined our means because I never asked of those things. I just knew what the answer would be.
(Raised eyebrows and a look of shock, turning over the price tag)

"Sara, we got bills, NO."

That was the usual answer, so I didn't push too much. My true wants were books and movies, not designer wear, so highschool felt like an always beauty and popularity competition where I always lost. Sure I didn't need the clothes, make up, or money. I could win the guys over with my personality. Haha! My shy, introverted, and unexperienced anxious personality so didn't work. Plus, I am positive today that I was better off. That once defect worked to my advantage, not letting any of the unworthy guys into my world.

I fought extreme depression, anxiety, and internal pain all throughout highschool. I was on several different medications and withdrew myself into a homeschooling regimen almost every spring, except for junior year when I legitamately dropped out, under the influence of my then crowd. Of course all of this evasiveness was just to get me through highschool; dropping out just didn't feel right. I could always manage my unconventional ways out of things if I had to. In elementary school I would microwave soup, gingerale, and crunched up saltines into a stew of "vomit" just so I could stay home, a entrepreneur in the field of ditching. So after my drop out status, I kept the pace at adult school and re-enrolled for senior year, which was by far the easiest year for me. Of course with a little help from myself and some nice encouragement from the boys. I wanted prom, graduation, and the feeling that although I did things the hard way, I did things. I finished school and got through depression and some of my hardest struggles.

Now on the flipside of it all, the freedom that comes with being a graduate is amazing. I don't have to do anything in this life that causes me pain or anxiety. I can choose my path and the direction to getting there. College is the best thing in the world and I fret the day when I will graduate, because I love it so much. I'm enjoying picking my classes, the time of day, the professor, and meeting new and interesting people that are intelligent and cultured. It feels like my world has opened up and this new place is my happiness.

For anyone going through highschool in a tough way, all I can advise is this: It gets so much better once you're through with those four years. No matter how you go about getting through them, do what's right for you because soon enough you will be free from the cocoon and able to spread out your wings to fly wherever you choose, and the universe will open up all of its greatness to you. But do well in highschool, because I'm kicking myself right now paying for tuition. Lol. Get a scholarship!